The Real World Consultant and the Arts Consultant gave me a splendid book by the Wibbly Wobbly Situationists (I refuse to advertise them, they do this themselves with great success. Think Heston Blumenthal crossed with Gilbert and George & work it out via Google). The example of their quivering oeuvre I’m most likely to attempt is probably a black cherry jelly pyramid capped with gold leaf, which looks sensational and requires only two pours. Least, in terms of general silliness, was striped jelly inside clementines cut into quarters which would require the best part of a day of being faffed with at half hour intervals. Leave it to the jellymeisters, sa I. Most beguiling, in a way, was the jelly that glows in the dark, but you do have to equip yourself with UV light. Anyway the general thought which struck me, working my way through a series of seriously alcoholic jellies, each more dangerous than the last, to a black coffee jelly which is made by a process which involves coaxing maximum caffeine out of coffee by leaving it to infuse slowly in the sun for three days (in any case, one would not be advised to try this in Aberdeenshire), to which they suggest adding a tobacco syrup, is that there is a distinct category error which tends to afflict one in this context. Jelly is wibbly wobbly, sweet, and harmless. In fact, even without the tobacco syrup this particular brew would have a three toed sloth zinging o’er the horizon like Skippy the Kangaroo. but somehow, once something’s been made into a sweet, you assume that it’s more or less safe (calories/fat considerations left aside). I made this mistake myself once. The Malaysian godpapa once brought us some Malaysian coffee which, in its native habitat is generally drunk sweet, and so I made some into coffee ice cream. It was delicious, second helpings all round, but subsequently we wondered why we were so wired that we were all awake till dawn, till it dawned on me that albeit surrounded by eggs and cream, it was just as expresso as it had been at the start, and there was LOTS of it.