Our metropolitan guests surprised us somewhat with the information that there was a Bears’ Disco in Inverness. What next? we wondered. Wolves’ thé-dansant? Waltzing with Wildcats? Or something more like the Teddy Bears’ Picnic but updated and with more glitter balls? (recycling TBP to da Disco Beat hardly bears thinking about: boom-chikka boom-chikka …. ‘If you’ … shhh-boom … ‘go down’ … shhh-boom TISH etc etc etc. ). Anyway these rural maunderings were short-circuited by the essential information that a ‘bear’ is a chap of a hairy persuasion who takes a sexual interest in other chaps of a hairy persuasion. So now we know. As people keep saying now, ‘how cool is that?’ Probably not very, given the essential uncouthness of Inverness, but at least it shows they’re trying. The most important question remains till last: Does this account for the chosen sobriquet of the madman Bear Grylls? I think we should be told.