Sociology and Tornados

We had to stop in Turriff yesterday because The Northern Professor needed to tax the car. Guest was still with us — we were parked outside Turriff’s answer to the Cities of the Plains, and so I said, making conversation, ‘I’ve never been in there, but I’m told it’s wall to wall Gucci and Prada’. To which Guest, a vistor from the sophisticated South, said with disbelief written all over her, ‘I’ll just take a look’, and strode off to find out. Guest is most elegant and glamorous and expensively well dressed, unlike me, so apparently the ladies in the little pink hats with feathers cringed and fawned - but the real point is that she came back, her face a study, saying. ‘you’re right, you know.’ £500 handbags in heaps, Lulu Guinness, no less, just like Harvey Nicks only smaller. And almost everything was either a) pink or b) sequinned or c) feathered, plutocracy combined with complete tastelessness. Apparently this bizarre outlet — which is opposite Somerfields — is where oil wifies go to spend their loose change, while the more plutocratic farmers’ wives go there for wedding outfits. I was glad to have my prejudices confirmed.
But since then. I have been mourning a significant loss which ‘Lifestyle’ of Turriff has not a hope in Hell of answering — my absolutely favourite silk scarf, which is/was handpainted by a bloke called Neil Bottle in the most beautiful range of blues, and cost a fortune. I was walking the dogs this afternoon in absolutely vile weather. And as I was trying to return Johnny Rotten to captivity — one hand occupied by hysterical Jack Russell, the other by a door I was trying to open against the wind — there was a sudden gust so severe that it undid my loosely knotted scarf of thick, heavy, slippery silk, and caused it to spiral up & round my head and off to God knows where. Just like Miss Dorothy’s Tornado, Lah, and quite incredibly annoying; I just didn’t have a free hand at the fatal moment to retrieve it. I can only hope that the Apparitional Gamekeeper finds it in a tree or something in the next day or so. Fortunately the Canadian Professor gave me a lovely black one which has been jostling for second favourite since christmas, but all the same, I do hope he tracks it down. After all, it would be wasted on a sheep.

One Response to “Sociology and Tornados”

  1. Janey Says:

    It struck the Northern Professor this morning that ‘Lifestyle’ is no more nor less than a commercial outlet for THE SILLY BITCH CLUB. We must make sure that Miss Dog never learns how to work a credit card.

Leave a Reply