Silly Bitch Magazine Christmas Annual

Of course there was a Silly Bitch Magazine Christmas annual; what do you expect? The Labrador contented itself with a line under the masthead saying ‘Compliments of the Season To All Our Readers’, and a competition of fiendish difficulty: ‘In what week of the year may our readers retrieve teal but not widgeon?’ ‘Was Supreme Champion Wilberforce Mackintosh Poshpaws the 1) grandfather, 2) great-grandfather, 3) great-great-grandfather of Supreme Champion Tancred Mayhem Bideawee?’ etcetera. The Silly Bitch Annual offered less taxing fare. There was a double length story, ‘Christmas at Jollity Hall’.
“‘I say, Mrs Stupid’, said Squire Jolly. Has that cream been whipped yet?’
‘Oh, yes’, laughed Miffy, Biffy and Squiffy, licking their chops.”
Other offerings include a cultural pull-out, ‘Labradors in Art’, leaning heavily on the Irish National Gallery’s collection, a Lifestyle section on the Barka Parka (the Rolls Royce of dog-beds), and a section on seasonal viewing. The Coal Programme. The Logs Programme, and for Irish readers, the RTE Peat Programme (with subtitles.). Furthermore, there is an article on ‘Food Combining for Labradors’ ( Fat. Sugar. Cheese. Meat), and nominations for Silly Bitch of the Year: categories under review include ‘hilarious vomiting episodes’, ‘bath avoidance’, and ‘getting muddy beyond the call of duty’. Last year’s winner coasted to victory by means of a tent hand-embroidered with ‘Everyone I have Ever Bad Bounced’.
We do not know what was in the Twinkle Annual, because Miss Kit was sick on it.

2 Responses to “Silly Bitch Magazine Christmas Annual”

  1. Arnold Says:

    Here is Petra’s contribution to the Twinkle Annual:

    “One day there was a cat. There were two cats. They climbed over a rock and then they cooked some dogs and ate them for their lunch. They went into people’s houses and they climbed over a cardigan, and then they jumped over a rock again, and then they went back home and ate some dogs for their lunch again. The end.”

  2. site admin Says:

    I think Petra may very well have the rights of it. That’s brilliant. Perhaps a little advanced in its vocabulary for Twinkle, which seldom ventures into the world of trisyllables.

Leave a Reply