Not again

It has been weird weather: it was very close and heavy all day yesterday, and I was not surprised to hear thunder muttering in the middle of the night. The Gamekeeper, unwisely staying up late to watch some species of aliens-landing horror film on Sky, worked himself into a suggestible frame of mind and was then thoroughly spooked by the lighning, under the impression that the War of the World had actually started. He had recovered his nervous tone by the morning, but meanwhile, we woke to find we had lost another modem, and the washing machine, which inevitably, died full of water causing maximum inconvenience. The modem has been successfully replaced, but the washing-machine awaits a pronouncement from the Gamekeeper’s dad, and I fear the worst.

12 Responses to “Not again”

  1. The Tropical Godfather Says:

    The Tropical Godfather - and, indeed, the Tropical Godmother - are in a state of total collapse after witnessing a play (for which they designed and made about 400 costumes of unexampled and Balinese magnificence) “based on” The Tempest. My dears, too cringe-making! We winced our way through and are in no state now to do more than sacrifice a Twisby as a gesture of solidarity with the suffering of Turriff-les-Bains, and recommend, as ever, that the Northern Professor and the Lady Novelist find inspiration in the life and adventures of Philip II with special reference to bonfires.

  2. carol Says:

    What horrors can be encompased by a simple ‘based on’… At least when I went to Spamalot last week they were using the slogan ‘lovingly ripped off from’. So often theatre marketing pass up opportunities for honesty on the lines of ‘a wilful perversion of…’ or ‘even the interval is a travesty’.

    You might cheer the Gamekeeper with my recent Alien Invasion jollity. Did I tell you already about the massed UFOs over Sidcup?

    The Student Symposium had a final night open air party, concluding with a Silent Disco (band stopped to placate locals and I-Pods were used for multi-tempi private dancings thereafter, I am told.) To conclude, my chum-in-charge Rachel produced a charming coup of a hundred illuminated balloons let off to drift away by moonlight. This, of course, had been planned months before, necessitating not only liaison with the local constabulary, fire brigade and air traffic control, but the extraction of funds for said balloons from the College Accountant in Charge of Formal Frivolity.
    No one had counted on several outbreaks of local insomniac paranoia of folk who decided that the balloons were alien spacecraft and truly drifting in to land. One loon followed a couple for miles on his bike, one woman continues to howl ‘conspiracy’ (when the police told her they were party balloons from the local drama school, she went to the local papers saying ‘they would say that, wouldn’t they’.

    But the update, and the best thing yet is the story currently circulating college - of another woman who at the time of the Sidcup Alien Alert managed to phone M15 to complain. M15’s night desk occupant, to his/her eternal credit, apparently responded on the lines of ‘ Can’t help you there Madam, not our department. Aliens would be classified as foreigners, and should be referred to MI6.’

  3. Will Says:

    You should be able to change to broadband and neatly avoid modem issues (so last decade), as Banff, Turriff and Rosehearty exchanges were updated under the Building Buchan project in 2004. Broadband costs a few pounds more but is a vast time saver. It would be worth enquiring about. As regards the weather, here in Dorset it is rather like the Po river on a particularly clammy day. I itch for a good thunderstorm here but only a few are currently taking on East Riding.

  4. Jane Says:

    The Sidcup Alien Alert is a wonderful story, especially the last bit. The Washing Machine is not. We managed to empty it, and empty all the water out of it, and then the Gamekeeper needed a lift into town. Then we came back and found a DEAR LITTLE WATERFALL in the back kitchen: the electric solenoid controlling the valve which lets water into a washing machine must have been destroyed while stuck at ‘open’ in such a way that it wasn’t controlled by the opening and shutting of the door. Double plus un-good, really.

  5. carol Says:

    Oh crikey!

    Absolutely no point in turning the frown upside down and commenting on your undoubtedly uber-clean kitchen floor, is there?

    For what it’s worth- came back from Doris’s the other week to discover that the bathroom fan had conked out. It made, and makes, sad buzzy noises but does not do the one thing it needs to do to find fulfillment and appreciation, in the lfe of a fan, viz spin round and ventilate the steaminess.

    I enquired of the good-ish Rubi whether she’d invoked the landlord. No, she said, the problem looked like it was bunged with dirt. And…? Words failed at the time, but I have since sugested we jon forces and e.g. clean the ruddy thing as an empirical test of her hypothesis. On Friday she said, we’d do it Saturday. It’s Tuesday now (but I’m quite getting to like the sauna effect).

    (She still believes in the lightbulb, vaccuum cleaner and window cleaning fairies too, for all I can tell.)

  6. Jane Says:

    Anyone out there who can tell us how to run the washing machine off broadband? As for the Professor’s computer … we do have broadband but the distance, plus a once-exterior thick stone wall in the way, prevents his machine from picking up the emanations from my study. It also seems impossible to equip him separately. Something can be done with cabling but will need an engineer.

  7. The Tropical Godfather Says:

    Viz Carol’s comment on “based on”, well, here’s what it means… In the process of adaptation, The Tempest has been partially rewritten. All that boring stuff that Ariel normally spouts has been axed, and some (but not all) of the language has been brought up to date, so we have lines like ‘Everything’s going according to schedule’. Prospero is now Duke of Amsterdam (on account of the island being Bali). This does rather screw up the scansion of such verse as remains, but, hey, I think you’ll agree it’s worth it. The geographic switch, of course, also meshes well with such Dutch names as Alonso, Antonio, Gonzalo etc, which have not been changed. Oh, and there are some whirling dervishes and fire eaters too because, frankly, the whole thing would be a bit dull otherwise.

  8. carol Says:

    When exactly did the dervishes whirl? And why?

  9. the tropical godfather Says:

    Just before the fire eaters did their fire eating, silly! What, no fire eaters in the original??? How very provincial! Well, if I remember right, the dirvishes whirled and the fire eaters munched on flames some time after the Garuda (a mythical bird with, in Sham’s costumes, a 30 foot wing span no really) had served dinner to Alonso, Gonzalo and Antomio but before half a dozen dogs (cotumes adapted from hairy cushion covers) ate up Trinculo and Stephano. Oh it was lovely!

  10. the tropical godfather Says:

    Oh, and as for why, well, the dervishes would have looked pretty silly standing about NOT whirling! Obvious really.

  11. The Man From Maryport Says:

    I could always paint my face with cabbalistic symbols & dance around on Dunmail Raise while sacrificing a small goat to the gods of broadband (sadly unavailable in Cumbria these last 5 days).

    I’m grateful for the revelation of where ‘Garuda’ got their name from - they were long regarded as an, erm, ’special’ and ‘unique’ air travel experience in the international airline community . . .

  12. The Man From Maryport Says:

    Oh & briadband - I think what you need is a cunningly designed wireless network with a couple of routers strategically placed upstairs & down. Modest investment in kit & a bit of time from someone who knows what they’re doing (as ever, the tricky bit) ought to see it sorted and if you get it righ you can lounge around under a tree in the garden while emailing to all & sundry . . .

Leave a Reply