Unwelcome Innovations

One oddity of this last week was that I posted a blog which seemed to stay up for about half a day and then vanished into the blogosphere. What it was about was an attack of heavy metal, or apparently so. There was a perfectly shattering racket which sounded like someone throwing sheet steel off the back of a truck. Bam Bam Bam. I hurtled outside full of that traditional dread which attends those who employ a gardener or factotum of any description — what has he thought of to do next? … which we will then, in due course, be expected to pay for??? In the case of the Refugee Gardener we are at least not moving in completely opposite directions. It is true that The Shed now resembles a WWI dugout complete with a small, military, gas stove, and that there is polythene down over the dahlias (a real and proper big house gardener, with a real & proper big house as opposed to our shambolic establishment, whom Peter met on the train back from Our Nation’s Capital, was onto this like a knife. ‘Ah. Polythene already. He’ll be putting your dahlias into the Turriff show’). But without spending an undue amount of time on my knees, I can persuade him to spend a little of his skill and energy on the borders once in a while, so we are fortunate. Anyway. In this particular instance, there was no Refugee Gardener, no heavy metal, no nothing. I went back to work, and about half an hour later, it happened again. This time I was more tuned to the source of the racket’s being within the house, and duly located a hysterical jackdaw trying to fly through the dining room window. It had fallen down the chimney, and presumably its previous efforts had temporarily stunned it. One of the various birthday gifts with which I was showered by the Real World Consultant and his better half was a somewhat indescribable garment which is half overgrown shawl and half undergrown poncho. Whatever it is I adore it and wear it all the time when I’m typing, and when I found a cross-eyed, half stunned jackdaw gaping on the windowsill having flown beak-first into the window for the umpteenth time, it was the work of a second to bundle the little blighter up in the aforementioned Indescribable and shove it out of the front door. I really would not have believed how much noise it made unless I had heard it for myself.
Yesterday, since the Northern Professor wasn’t feeling at his best, I called upon my ex-gamekeeper for the vibrant and multicultural shopping experience which is downtown Turriff. I duly acquired a variety of vibrant and multicultural shopping (dishwasher tablets … loo roll …Cheddar …) and he drove me home again. ‘Oi!’ he said, bristling, as we passed the garden centre. ‘That wasn’t there yesterday’. There on the horizon was a windmill, and the long neck of a vast crane: by the AG’s way of it, and I completely trust him on such topics, it must have gone up within the previous twelve hours. It’s invisible from our place (and his parents’), and you just see it on the first quadrant of the track. But it still comes as a shock to see it starkly rearing on the horizon when the only change of view you expect is barley-potatoes-oilseed.

One Response to “Unwelcome Innovations”

  1. william Says:

    ‘I can persuade him to spend a little of his skill and energy on the borders once in a while’.. Well, you could send him there, or buy him a book by Poe…

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